Other Things I Know

When feeling panicked, and avoiding some behavior for some reason due to the panic, just go ahead and do it. You want to make sure the cans of Chef Boyardee (survival food) are where you think they are? You want to put all your emergency disaster supplies in the bathroom, because you'll hide there with the cats and the litter box you cleaned earlier -- just in case you do get stuck in there, so it won't smell quite so bad?

You just go ahead, babe. Just go ahead.

I hate tornadoes. Big ugly things in the sky. Make me afraid of thunderstorms, which is unlike me, and hail, which is worth being afraid of. Ice falls from the sky. Ouch. When I was in the Tetons, doing odd stuff for an RV park like cleaning the public bathrooms and driving around in a golf cart, a storm started one afternoon and hail came down, on me, in the golf cart, and so I sped away. I could have run faster, but there would be no roof over me. And hail is scary. And when else can one speed away for safety ... in a GOLF CART.

I wasn't even a licensed driver then.

I've made a lot of bread, and most of it is either just right or too heavy, too floured. But this last bread? Not enough flour. Flopped all over the pan. Weird bread. Tasty, still.

And the best tidbit --

Today, I emailed one of my bosses to ask if I could drop in to talk for a minute. She responded: "Only if you're not quitting. I'm serious. If you're quitting, you have to wait until Monday." Seems she had an awful week and ... didn't want it to end with me quitting, because she doesn't want me to quit. Tear.

Anyway I howled and squeaked with laughter and wrote back "I'm not quitting! I'm not!" and went to see her, where conversation was good.

Sometimes, this last year at my job can only be seen as some kind of lukewarm tolerable hell, and sometimes, I faintly recall the high hopes I had for it when I started, and how they faded, and then crashed, and then hit bottom, and then dragged along the bottom for six months. But you know, that boss with the "I'm serious"? She really does want me to work for her. She likes what I offer. She made that clear when I was hired. And in the middle of all the crappy mistakes I've made this year and all the ridiculously bad numbers that describe my performance, there are people who do know why those mistakes happened (PERFO-MANCE) and still want me to work for them. Now, this job pays less than TA-ships pay over the year, and the coffee is free but weak, and I really don't enjoy a whole lot of it. So I am surprised to feel how glad I am to know someone there does still want me to be there.

It's nice.